I’ve recently entered the new status of “engaged person” as people call us. We are known to touch a lot in public, have a glazed look over our eyes, and be completely oblivious to everyone around us…outside of our significant other of course. Now, this is understandable. We have finally gotten to the point in our lives where we can marry our best friend, and we want to get a good look at who we are going to have to wake up to every day. And while all of this love is in the air, eventually someone reminds the blushing bride that she has to plan a wedding; equipped with music, cake, food for 500 or more people, look like a model, which includes finding a dress that makes her look good, order dozens of flowers, and book a photographer just to name a few, all while keeping her budget in range of a few thousand dollars. I, like you, think bridezilla’s was just a funny phrase that only happens to really high maintenance girls. But now I am quickly coming to the realization that this is a much more common phenomenon then people give credit, not only does it happen more than I thought, but it is happening to me! My once rational thought process for organization and common courtesy is slowly sinking down the drain, and I find myself cutting people’s sentences off, demanding my way, and starving myself to look good. This wasn’t something I would have ever guessed for myself, but planning a wedding does something to you. So, I wanted to give you a personal experience of how to create a bridezilla’s, and let me give you a hint, it’s not by taste testing too much cake.
Number one if you want to create a bride-zilla offer to help her find a wedding dress and show her pictures of size 0 models. Remind her that her body is a lot bigger than those and that she should probably find a dress that fits her “body type”. This will begin
the process of wedding dieting that is the first step in creating a grumpy bride.
Give her an impossible budget to work with, basically this is anything under a million dollars.
Take her to every reception you can find, to remind her of the stiff competition she has to compete with. It would also help if you told her that this reception is her way of exhibiting herself to, basically, everyone she knows and that this is about the only time in her life that her style will be on display.
When she mentions the small progress she has made, make sure you read off the entire list of other things she still needs to do. This will put her into a panic and she will feel like she hasn’t made any progress at all. It is imperative that whenever she marks one thing off her list you add another forgotten task.
Listen to her ideas then replace them with ones that were popular in the 1980’s.
Fill her schedule with school work so she has absolutely no time to plan, and then remind her that her wedding won’t plan itself.
Surround her with fattening food, so that when she is getting stressed out the first thing she grabs in the chocolate to make her feel better. This will make her fat and make her feel guilty for being so over weight, and put her right on target to starve herself this will in turn make her more upset and more mad than ever.
Remind her every other day that she will have no financial support from her parents in the next month or so. A week is just the right amount time for her to relax, by remind her on a weekly basis she will then become stressed again at the thought of being cut off financially. If, by chance, your bride doesn’t react to the reminder, you can always list off the new bills she will be responsible for.
Make sure you play every break up song you can just after she has a fight with her fiancé, preferably the tear jerkers, this will remind her that love never lasts and that the chance of this marriage is 1 in 10.
And finally, NEVER give her time with her fiancé. This will take away her one stress reliever and ensure she forgets why she is doing all this work to begin with.
There ya have it! That is the recipe for disaster and for all of my fellow bride-zilla’s out there, don't worry, it’s not you, it’s everyone else.
